Dear diary,
JEAN says

what i've learnt today:
1. God is awesome. and He never fails to speak to me when i think that all is lost. He is never a figment of imagination and He is real.

2. There are 2 absolutes that i can be sure of-
a) God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.
b) God loves us(yes, me and you) alot and his love for us never falters or changes yesterday, today and tomorrow.

3. Parents play an important role in grounding their children in the Word of God, and I want to do that for my kids.

4. I should "flee from youthful lusts" (2 timothy 2:22). this is the instruction which countermands the development of sin in adult life which was introduced through the lack of spiritual knowledge and/or application in childhood. Children receive 'wounded spirits' from Satanic attack through lack of parental 'cover'. They may... FEEL DEJECTED....BECOME DEJECTED... DEVELOP REBELLION.
rejection makes a child introspect possibly leading to loneliness, timidity, insercurity and lust.
dejection leads to hopelessness, depression and possible fantasizing and suicide.
rebellion manifests bitterness and hatred which incites violence and possible murder.
Youthful lusts does not only mean in the sexual context, but may also represent our desires and ambitions that we have in life. however, we are to dream but not for selfish or self ambition. instead, dont let that vision dominate your life. if we, however, do have a vision, as long as it is God's will, pursue it. God's will = firstly, to be Christ-like because he is preparing us for eternity. secondly, in eternity, God is going to delegate authority to us, so in life He teaches us to handle it with wisdom and maturity so as to not become like Lucifer.

5. We should Love God for who He is and not what He does.

6. We are called into a position and not into a line of development.

7. When we become Christians, we adopt a christian culture. Like, when we migrate to Australia and become an australian, we adopt the laid back and aussy culture there and not continue to be like a fast pace, ambition driven singaporean that our culture is.

8. The experience of conversion depends on a continued 'walk in the Spirit'

9. We need to put on our armor everyday. But i wanna talk about the shield of faith.
Faith is total acceptance and dependence on God's Word which acts as a shield to the doubt and fear promoted by satan through the intellect. Because, unlike other religions, we cant see God, that's why we have faith to believe in Him.

10. when we are a student, we do things His way, because we are His stewards. (I need to work hard in this area.)

11. we are accountable for everything we've done in this life- GOOD and BAD to God. wow. its like... i dunno how to say. wow.

there are alot of other stuff that i learnt today about God. its weird, this past few weeks i've been church, i feel like crying alot, because i know my God is real and yet i despise the fact that sometimes, i struggle with silly things that are so un-important compared to God and i get distracted with things that affect my r/s with God. But i thank God, that He has kept me away from not believing in Him or hardening my heart, but instead, quicken my Spirit to want to know more, and to soften my heart for His Word to be planted.

i'll just leave with this song... i hope, someone's heart today will be touched by it.
Some would say that You cannot be found
And some would say that You are far away
But I know You're the God who lives in me
And I know You will always have my heart.

'Cause you are good
And Your love endures forever
You are good
And Your love endures forever
You are good
And Your love endures forever
You are good, you are good.

Some would say that You cannot be found
And some would say that You are far away
But I know You're the God who lives in me
And I know You will always have my heart.

'Cause you are good
And Your love endures forever
You are good
And Your love endures forever
You are good
And Your love endures forever
You are good, you are good.

You are the only One
You are the One that I desire
You are the only One, my King.

'Cause you are good
And Your love endures forever
You are good
And Your love endures forever
You are good
And Your love endures forever
You are good, you are good.
(repeat)

You are the only One
You are the One that I desire
You are the only One, my King.
(repeat)

if you want that song, sms or msn me. i'll give it to you.

thank you Jesus.



Dear diary,
JEAN says

jingyuan and yuying came over to stone at my house. we went shopping at giant at vivo. so funnn. LOL. and again we took crazy, random photos and videos of ourselves. LOL. man. we really pigg-ed ourselves out. LOL. with the lovely sushi, nutella, sara lee cakes and my favourite-strawberry milk! haha.
anyways, after analyzing our night, i realise that my brother is a himbo, jingyuan is a bimbo, yuying, well, is as usual, the coldest person ever living on this planet. haha. man.. i wish holidays would never come to an end and we cld have constant stayovers. ha. anyways, will upload photos another time. cos, i'm staying over at barb's house tonight. (:
<3

ps. pretty raw from that incident. after reflecting, i know, everyone has bad days and are imperfect. but what you did and said really did hurt me alot. sometimes, i dunno why the hell i'm doing so much and helping so much, only to hear from you that i'm wasting time. i'm just so freaking confused.

i'll see what happens. go with the flow baby. HAHA.



Dear diary,
JEAN says

met up with kailun and went to visit mr teo. (: so long never see that himbo cum future medical student to be. LOL. anyways, he owes me a lunch and icecream date. ha. and we musnt forget to take pics! (; rightright? haha. by then you'll be bald. ahaha. okayokay. sorry, i shall not mock you but take pity okay? ha. anyways, thankyou for the awesome cd boy. (: so sweet of you. looks like i have to come up with something real nice for you too!

after that went to visit shaan at CGH, she looks okay, but pretty weak. girl you stay strong okay? I <3 you!

i thought he would stop bugging me after that stupid kebab incident, but apparently, i'm wrong. ugh.



Dear diary,
JEAN says

jia ming (: hey you BLOODY PISTACHIO says:
hey thanks ah!
jeanlee(: hey you BLOODY CASHEW says:
NO PROB
jeanlee(: hey you BLOODY CASHEW says:
-beams
jia ming (: hey you BLOODY PISTACHIO says:
-grins
jia ming (: hey you BLOODY PISTACHIO says:
-smiles
jia ming (: hey you BLOODY PISTACHIO says:
-sobs
jeanlee(: hey you BLOODY CASHEW says:
??!~!
jeanlee(: hey you BLOODY CASHEW says:
haha
jia ming (: hey you BLOODY PISTACHIO says:
-sticks out tongue
jia ming (: hey you BLOODY PISTACHIO says:
-rolls eyes
jia ming (: hey you BLOODY PISTACHIO says:
-eats nuts
jia ming (: hey you BLOODY PISTACHIO says:
HA
jeanlee(: hey you BLOODY CASHEW says:
omgosh
jeanlee(: hey you BLOODY CASHEW says:
you are so LAME
jia ming (: hey you BLOODY PISTACHIO says:
?
jeanlee(: hey you BLOODY CASHEW says:
HA
jia ming (: hey you BLOODY PISTACHIO says:
WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?
jia ming (: hey you BLOODY PISTACHIO says:
i'm trying to brighten up my life!
jeanlee(: hey you BLOODY CASHEW says:
hahah
jeanlee(: hey you BLOODY CASHEW says:
omgosh
jia ming (: hey you BLOODY PISTACHIO says:
and your's too!
jeanlee(: hey you BLOODY CASHEW says:
your life so boring HOR
jeanlee(: hey you BLOODY CASHEW says:
hahahaha
jia ming (: hey you BLOODY PISTACHIO says:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
jia ming (: hey you BLOODY PISTACHIO says:
well, actually yes!
jeanlee(: hey you BLOODY CASHEW says:
LOL
jeanlee(: hey you BLOODY CASHEW says:
no
jeanlee(: hey you BLOODY CASHEW says:
with me inside your life
jia ming (: hey you BLOODY PISTACHIO says:
OH YA!
jeanlee(: hey you BLOODY CASHEW says:
how can it be boring
jeanlee(: hey you BLOODY CASHEW says:
LOL
jia ming (: hey you BLOODY PISTACHIO says:
it'll be better!
jia ming (: hey you BLOODY PISTACHIO says:
how could i forget!
jeanlee(: hey you BLOODY CASHEW says:
LOL
jeanlee(: hey you BLOODY CASHEW says:
teehee(:
jia ming (: hey you BLOODY PISTACHIO says:
HAHA
jia ming (: hey you BLOODY PISTACHIO says:
you rock la
jeanlee(: hey you BLOODY CASHEW says:
HA
jeanlee(: hey you BLOODY CASHEW says:
thankyou thankyou

ha. i'm just sooooo random(:



Dear diary,
JEAN says

went out with jiaming today. omgosh. he's like so tall now. i feel so freaking short beside him. whaa... jiaming so grown up now huh. haha. we ate at sunset way, it was extremely quiet. lol. but we talked alot. and had a great time just catching up. (: after that we went town area and to city link. and sat at chocz to just drink and chat. i bought a cake and drink while he took ice cream. i think the waitress thought we were like a couple, lol. cos like when he went to choose his ice cream, she was standing beside and giving me some really funny look. haha. and she gave both of us forks and spoon and jiaming was like "why in the world would i need a fork to eat ice cream?" haha. yeah. it was fun luh. after that i met up with jingyuan and we eat at jalan kayu. and guessed what JINGYUAN! i walked home even though i bloody needed to use the washroom. ha.



Dear diary,
JEAN says

i want a Xbox 360 because i want to play Halo 3 badly. ): normally, i cant comprehend how guys are so hooked to video games, but halo simply rules this gaming world. so i play halo 1 and 2 only, but now halo 3 is out. and iwantitiwantitiwantit. Daddy, i want one. plu-ease, pretty plu-ease.



Dear diary,
JEAN says

barb says:
do anyone name their daughter bimbo?
jeanlee(: jiaming my cashew nutty boy! i swear i'm going crazy (darren you so sweet it makes me smile) says:
??!!
jeanlee(: jiaming my cashew nutty boy! i swear i'm going crazy (darren you so sweet it makes me smile) says:
omgosh
jeanlee(: jiaming my cashew nutty boy! i swear i'm going crazy (darren you so sweet it makes me smile) says:
that is just so bimbo
-jeanlee burst out laughing.
gosh. that my friends, is my bimbo club's president.



Dear diary,
JEAN says

is this how it's suppose to feel? to see, to hear, to think, but never believe? to hate and yet to love? to cry and smile at the same stuff? to yell and yet not be heard? i'm sick of everynight. i wish somehow, i could be surronded by my dears who make me go crazy, scream and laugh.
every night, i feel like my world should just end. every night, i think, maybe just maybe i should have just done something stupid to move on in life. every night, i rant, but never get comforted for long. every night, i wished i had a different life(except the family part and church luh). every night, i seem to dream too much. every night, i seem to hurt more. every night, i think i'm going mad-er. every night, i live in my emo moments. every night, i seem to feel that burden increasing in weight. every night, i drag myself to bed and try to sleep. every day, i wish the nights wouldnt come and days would never end. because, every night seems too dark to survive.

Lord, I thank You for this life, and no matter what, i'm running to You. because, You are my hiding place. and i know You have greater plans for me. and though, i dont comprehend, i'm gna trust You.



Dear diary,
JEAN says








Dear diary,
JEAN says

okay, i seriously need to rant. kjfdxfcvbnmnbvgfxfcvbnmmkhjgfdxfcvbnma,dskjshgdcfedeadnmskc n nc.you frigging piece of shit. every part of my body abhores you. i cant believe what i'm hearing. you know what, ihateyouihateyouihateyou. gosh, what was going through my mind then? if you can do that, so can i. why did i waste all those tears, energy and heartache when they could have been spent at something better. you know what, its over. i'm not gonna think, talk, or listen to you anymore.

Lord, I'm so sorry.I can't this anymore. You heard my tears and cries. You felt my heart shatter. You saw those tears run dry. You know what Lord, i feel like i've failed you. I feel like those kings in the Bible that did evil in your eyes. I feel like i'm nothing, meaningless. And my very existence and purpose on earth is to be laughed at. I can't take this anymore. I just feel like just ending it here and then. It's my fault.I'm such a failure.

You know what?I hate myself.



Dear diary,
JEAN says

urgh. i'm shocked to the bones at what i heard. urghhhhhh. you insolent, presumptuous, impertinent, vile, audacious, phony sleazeball. stupid, stupid, stupid.

went out with dear jingyuan and yuying. sorry i was late. music practice. heh. i enjoyed the company so muchmuch. cant wait till we stone at my house. HA. let's stock up and eat our guts out. (: <3

href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3XLxS2NOHJic8Ry6st1w1slvPRIfplJ3g_Q9sMzR8hnBlYEooO9RLToqyDwHBWkxznlTwNb0hk4jPE27qE_Q3sJ6Vi9xGnf5jT1iYkEOZcXvkSUTEdSTig7DKFJ9f2rfizzV4/s1600-h/P1010148.JPG">





yays. i'm going out with jiaming next tue. going out with kailun on wed. going out with beeling on thurs. jy and yy coming to stone from thurs to fri!

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