Saturday, May 27, 2006 ♥
ranted@9:10 PM
Dear diary,
JEAN says
there.
she stood.
the strong wind blowing...
whispering into her ears.
her eyes glazed into the broad horizon.
looking for perhaps a ray of
hope?
what ever happen to
her?
what ever happen to
them?
only to her disappointment
there was
none...
her hands grasped the box and key tighter.
everywhere.
everywhere represented memories
memories that caused her eyes to flood with tears.
memories that caused her heart to b ripped.
memories that caused a shield, a shell around her.
with both eyes focused upon the rusty lock
she unlock the box and flung it open.
in there..
laid
photos.
quietly,
she picked up a photo.
smiling faces she saw.
instantously she was sucked back into the past.
she remembered the joy.
the laughter.
the voices.
the music.
the faces.
the
friends.
a tear rolled down her cheeks
and landed on the photo.
her smiling face in the photo was immediatedly disfigured
disfigured by the teardrop of hers.
she jolt back into reality
trembling..
she tore that photo apart
and flung the shreded pieces into the air.
watching..
as the wind carried them away...
only to land on the water
she grabbed the rest of the photos
and as though possessed
she tore the photos into a million shreds.
sobbing heavily as each memory.
each photo diminished before her very own eyes.
and...
with her last ounce of strength
she flung the million pieces of toren memories into the air
before dropping into the deep blue sea to drown..
drown..
and never wake up.
ps. untitled
♥ Love, ME
Friday, May 26, 2006 ♥
ranted@11:14 PM
Dear diary,
JEAN says
went out with ruth.
lol.
to kill my thoughts.
yeah.
talk and shop.
typical stuff lah.
i mean wad else can we do in boring orchard.
how can one be surrounded with frens and yet feel so lonely?
♥ Love, ME
Wednesday, May 24, 2006 ♥
ranted@8:41 PM
Dear diary,
JEAN says
he moves on too fast.
everyone does.
but she stands there.
blurred.
depressed.
paralysed.
wad can she do?
a million thoughts crash into her soundless mind.
and turns it topsy turvy.
forgiveness?
trust?
no longer in her vocabulary of Life.
in fact,
wad is Life?
wad is Friends?
wad is this mystical thing that's grabbing onto her..
not letting her go?
she screams..
she gropes in the darkness.
the distance of God seems so far.
she's moved.
there's a barrier between God and her.
she CRIES out..
to her one and only Saviour.
she needs Him so much now.
she needs to get over all that happen.
let it be a blank page.
a thing stored in her mind.
sealed forever.
never to b opened.
a pandora box.
this section of her mind.
this section of her heart.
this section of her life.
forgotten.
lost.
amongst the empty space.
she hardens her heart.
this ice.
this barrier.
when can she ever trust again?
when can she forgive?
when can she learnt to love everyone again?
only time will tell.
and
only GOD can make it happen.
an impossible task to human
but a possible task to GOD.
i love Jesus.
take me back to ur loving arms once again.
away from everything.
i running back.
ps.
YUANTING. I LOVE CARPARKS? LOL.
♥ Love, ME
Monday, May 22, 2006 ♥
ranted@5:22 PM
Dear diary,
JEAN says
I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain
How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't
How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
untitledbysimpleplanI thought that I could always count on you,
I thought that nothing could come between us two.
We said as long as we would stick together,
We'd be alright,
We'd be ok.
But I was stupid
And you broke me down
I'll never be the same again.
So thank you for showing me,
That friends can not be trusted,
And thank you for betraying me,
Your friendship the good times we had you can have them back
Yeah!
I wonder why it always has to hurt,
For every lesson that you have to learn.
I won't forget what you did to me,
How you let me experience things,
I wish I'd never felt.
But I was stupid,
And you broke me down,
I'll never be the same again.
So thank you for showing me,
That friends can not be trusted,
And thank you for betraying me,
Your friendship, the good times we had you can have them back
When the tables turn again,
You'll remember me my friend,
You'll be wishing I was there for you.
I'll be the one you'll miss the most,
But you'll only find my ghost.
As time goes by,
You'll wonder why,
You're all alone.
So thank you for showing me,
That friends can not be trusted,
And thank you for betraying me,
Your friendship the good times we had you can have them back.
So thank you, for betraying me,
So thank you, for all the times you let me down
So thank you, for ditching me,
So thank you, your friendship you can have it back
thankyoubysimpleplanCan you leave me here alone now
I don't wanna hear you say
That you know me
That I should be
Always doin what you say
Cuz I'm tryin to get you today
And there's one thing I know
I don't wanna think about you
Think about me
Don't wanna figure this out
I Don't wanna think about you
Or think about nothin
Don't wanna talk this one out
I won't let you bring me down
Cuz I know
I don't wanna think about you
Don't wanna think about you
When I wake up here tomorrow
Things will never be the same
Cuz I'm wiser and hurt
Cuz you've changed for the worst
And you'll always be that way
Now I'm gonna get through today
And there's one thing I know
I don't wanna think about you
Think about me
Don't wanna figure this out
I don't wanna think about you
Or think about nothin
Don't wanna talk this one out
This time I won't let you bring me down
Won't let you shut me out
This time I know
I don't wanna think about you
Run away
Run away
Running as fast as I can
Run away
Run away
I'll never come back again
Run away
Run away
I Don't wanna think about you
Think about me
Don't wanna figure this out
Don't wanna think about you
Think about me
Don't wanna talk this one out
I don't wanna think about you
Think about me
Don't wanna figure this out (figure this out)
I don't wanna think about you
Or think about nothin
Don't wanna talk this one out
This time I won't let you bring me down (bring me down)
Won't let you shut me out (shut me out)
This time I know
I don't wanna think about you
Run away
Run away
I don't wanna think about you
Run away
Run away
I don't wanna think about you
Run away
Run away
I DON'T WANNA THINK ABOUT YOU!
idon'twannarhinkaboutyoubysimpleplanAnd tonight we burn down every thing
we worked so hard to build
the ashes will rain down on me
memories set aflame, sail away
what we said if we can make this
than we can break this into two memories
I feel you fallin' away
feel you fallin' away
feel you fallin' away from me agian
I feel you fallin' away
feel you fallin' away
feel you fallin' away from me again
And tonight I will be a vessel
with these sail set aflame
let this ocean of our memories
carry me out to sea I will be
fall beneath the crashing waves into my grave. I will sleep
I feel you fallin' away
feel you fallin' away
feel you fallin' away from me again
I feel you fallin' away
feel you fallin' away
feel you fallin' away from me again
I feel you fallin' away
feel you fallin' away
feel you fallin' away from me again
I feel you fallin' away
feel you fallin' away
feel you fallin' away from me again
If we can make this
than we can break it
If we can build it
than we can burn it down
I feel you fallin' away
feel you fallin' away
feel you fallin' away from me again
I feel you fallin' away
feel you fallin' away
feel you fallin' away from me again
I feel you fallin' away
feel you fallin' away
feel you fallin' away from me again
And now you're farther away
now you're farther away
now you're farther away from me again
fallingawaybygoodcharotteLost and broken
Hopeless and lonely
Smiling on the outside
But hurts beneath my skin
My eyes are fading
My soul is bleeding
I try to make it seem ok
But my faith is wearing thin
So help me heal these wounds
Theyve been open for way to long
Help me fill this soul
Even though this is not your fault
That I'm open
And I'm bleeding
All over your brand new rug
And I need someone to help me sew them up
I only wanted a magazine
I only wanted the movie screens
And now my mind is an opne book
And now my heart is and open soul for all to see
So help me heal these wounds
Theyve been open for way to long
Help me fill this soul
Even though this is not your fault
That I'm open
And I'm bleeding
All over your brand new rug
And I need someone to help me sew them up
I need someone to help me fill them
I need someone to help me sew them up
I need someone to help me close them up
woundedbygoodcharlottewhat's this life for?
get out get out get out
ALL OF U
its growing in me.
stop!
it cant.
ARGHHHHHHHHHH.
leave me alone.
GET OUT.
i'm sorry...........................................................................
GOD.
♥ Love, ME
Thursday, May 18, 2006 ♥
ranted@11:08 PM
Dear diary,
JEAN says
exams are OVER.
but that's only the beginning.
so.. ppl..
JIA YOU.
i dunno what to say..
happy.
happy.
happy.
sad?
ps. everyone's changing
♥ Love, ME
Monday, May 15, 2006 ♥
ranted@5:41 PM
Dear diary,
JEAN says
ARGHHHHHHHHH.
exams sucks.
so STRESSED UP.
dun even feel like studying man.
ps. everything in the past is and always will b a BLANK page in my life.
pps. AHHH. 3 more days to sweet sweet sweet freedom. cant wait to get the hell out of this place.
♥ Love, ME
Monday, May 08, 2006 ♥
ranted@5:10 PM
Dear diary,
JEAN says
an irony.
the misery of life have been a past.
the days of jus falling down to the ground as sadness overwhelms her soul have passed.
the times were tears clouded the streaks of light making all mashed up like colouful inks splurge onto her eyes have passed
the times were her heart shredded into bits and pieces have passed.
the times when she felt the urge to jus pick the phone and jus scream and cry out till her heart contends have passed.
the times when she jus felt like dying have passed.
she's healed.
not completely.. but..
some day
some time
some where.
she'll rmb without a tug in her heart.
or a tear spilled.
till den..
she's jus leaning on God.
on her Big Daddy.
to carry her in His arms.
and whisper..
'its okay.'
dunno. jus felt like writing that for fun? yeah.
finally its all OVER.
feel so liberated and free.
now.. all i need to do is concentrate on my family!!!, YOUTH and argh,studies.
LOL.
GREAT IS THY LORD>
HE SO SO SO ROCKS.
honestly..
without his intervention..
unneccessary stuff wld have happened.
and.. that's definitely not what i want in life.
without his love.
i would have most probably killed my soul and mind.
without his help.
i would most probably never ever got up.
THANK GOD i have GOD in my life!! haha.
loving my Lord to bits.
ps. i jus wanna SHOUT out JESUS RULES!
pps. cant wait for exams to b over. den can go to the beach with YUANTING and screammmmmmmmmmmmm my lungs OUT> no one's gonna stop me!
hearts will heal.
souls will rest.
and i will rejoice in the Lord till my life ENDS.
♥ Love, ME
Friday, May 05, 2006 ♥
ranted@1:50 PM
Dear diary,
JEAN says
with a scar upon her heart.
she gets up bit by bit.
the spirit of despair, pain and sadness lifts.
and..
the spirit of dreams, hopes and wishes sets in.
bodly..
she walks the path.
leading to her Saviour.
her true love.
her true and living God.
the memories of hurts, pains and sadness are fading away.
the future is bright.
the future is full of hope.
she has accepted wad life offers.
and..
she begins to heal.
slowly,
the hand of her soul stretches out to the hand that had been reaching out all this time.
the hand of her Father.
her God.
"Dun worry my child. My peace will rest upon you".
her hand grips the Hand.
her heart seals a promise.
a promise to never let go.
and that in times of sadness.
times of despair.
times of persecution.
times of hurts.
she will rejoice in the Lord's name.
cos.. her Daddy up there is teaching her something.
"thank you" she whispers.
her eyes close.
to finally rest and heal.
invented that poem on the way home.
LOL.
i was.. LATE for school !!!
all thanks to my lil bro.
sighs.
nvms.
Thank God that He answered my prayer.
i prayed that i will be focus in the CL papers.
and like understand the passages and questions!
and not to fall asleep halfway during CL paper2.
cos i'm always doing that.
and i did focus in the CL papers(1st time so serious bout it).
i did understand most of the passages.
i did NOT fall asleep!!
THANK YOU.
ps. cant wait for exams to end.
den can go to the beach and scream it all out!
pps. to forget.. to remember
♥ Love, ME
Wednesday, May 03, 2006 ♥
ranted@5:04 PM
Dear diary,
JEAN says
i accomplished a feat today.
i walked home from school.
and i mean literally.
lol.
it took me roughly about an hour and a half on the whole to get home from school.
yeah.
walked past some playground..
and then i suddenly had the urge to sit on the swing.
and.. yeah..
i did.
swang and thought alot bout life.
yeah.
and i started remembering the childhood times when i was free from all this troubles.
to him....
i guess we're over now..
i tried to talk to u.
i even wrote a letter to u.
hoping praying that u wld at least scold me.
say some nasty response..
dun jus leave without saying anything..
i get so confused.
i get so hurt.
you're like one of the most most important fren to me.
i thought our frenship was gonna last forever or smthing..
but... now...
i'm jus so so so hurt.
i'm sorry...
♥ Love, ME
