Sunday, April 30, 2006 ♥
ranted@5:50 PM
Dear diary,
JEAN says
Life is a myth to me.
so many things can happen in jus a matter of minutes.
hours.
days.
weeks.
months.
years.
haha. sometimes. i laugh at the irony of things.
and yet.. sometimes i cry at how things can turn out to be.
nonetheless.
life goes on.
i wonder why on earth am i here?
why cant i go back home.
back home to heaven.
where joy peace love and happiness truly exist.
why live on this earth
where only hatred. pain. anger. heartaches. tears. sadness exist.
i look around me.
so many ppl are hurting.
so many ppl are crying.
so many ppl are acting.
silently..
they cry out.
cry out to an invisible person to rescue them
and...
no one turns up.
no one stretches out a hand.
no one is there to lend a shoulder.
perhaps..
that's why i'm going thru so much roller coaster rides.
i asked God in the AOG conference- synerg!z to give me. show me. let me experience the pain my youths. my friends. my loved ones are going thru.
and boy is he answering that major prayer.
thank you..
it hurts bad.
but at least i know.
that there's always someone out there.
my hero.
my fren.
my rescuer.
my father.
my love.
my GOD.
carrying me.
reaching out to HOLD my hand.
and.. i'm clinging.
clinging so badly.
my mission on Earth is not completed.
till then i will not die.
till then i will not be able to go to heaven.
i thank God for giving me such an honour.
i'm sorry..
i will not be the perfect example of a christian.
i wont be able to promise that i will not sin.
i'm a rotten piece of junk.
but.. God..
to give me such an honour.
i want to thank you so much.
even if i have to die and suffer for UR name.
i will.
you took up the burdens of the world.
the sins of the world.
and died on the cross.
please.. give me the strength to carry on too.
thank you..
i need you Jesus
to come to my rescue.
whereelse can i go.
there's no other name by which i am saved.
capture me with grace
i will follow you..
i will follow you..
i will follow you..
♥ Love, ME
Saturday, April 29, 2006 ♥
ranted@10:52 PM
Dear diary,
JEAN says
hurt.
Life moves on..
friends move on..
loved ones move on..
its just part and parcel of life...i guess.
but..
i'm not..
i'm standing still.
grabbing onto the handles of the doors of my heart.
with tears in my eyes. i close that doors.
trapping myself.
that's it.
before i do that..
i jus wanna say a few words.
here goes.
to a certain him.
i'm sorry for hurting u.
u really deserve a better "fren"
i'm sorry i betrayed ur trust.
i jus cldnt say it out.
and its my fault.
i take it all.
sorry..
to a certain him.
thanks for being there.
really appreciate it.
life goes on.
enjoy life.(:
okay..
here goes.
doors close.
God..
i'm all yours.
you're my most trusted fren.
u know what i am feeling right now.
i need You.
so bad...
jeanlee
♥ Love, ME
Sunday, April 16, 2006 ♥
ranted@10:52 PM
Dear diary,
JEAN says
i thought i'll say this but..
i will miss choir.
its like i finally became so committed to my CCA and..
its all over.
seniors are officially stepping down.
this raw feelin is in my heart.
jus saw the choir blog.
all the photos.
and that stupid sad song.
makes me wanna cry real bad.
its officially over.
no more choir.
i cant believe it.
it was like only ytd that i said i cldnt wait to step down and now..
i'm totally hesistant bout it.
this isnt right man..
dun worry choir peeps.
i'll come back and visit you guys and help u guys out in the next syf.
i PROMISE.
love you guys to bits.
i'll never forget all of u.
the DBS was super fun.
gotta to know other ppl.
stronger bonds with many esp my choir ppl.
it was so fun.
and now its over.
like.
its too fast man.
all the late nights out eating.
all the time playing.
all the time practising.
all the time shouting and cheering.
all the time singing.
all the time fellowshipping.
all the time jus chilling out.
i miss it already...
sigh.
thank God for making the performance a success.
love GOD to bits.
♥ Love, ME
Monday, April 03, 2006 ♥
ranted@8:42 PM
Dear diary,
JEAN says
i'm confused.
i feel numb.
and yet something is hurting.
its like a cloud of gloom.
it hasn sunk it yet
i guess.
i need time to think alot.
so..
i'm gonna be away for awhile.
dun bother bout me.
its a battle that only i can fight (with God by my side of course)
yeah.
bye.. for now.
♥ Love, ME
Saturday, April 01, 2006 ♥
ranted@10:14 PM
Dear diary,
JEAN says
families.
they are most probably the 2nd most impt thing in everyone's lives.
after God.
they are the ppl arnd us that either.
hurt us and be hurt with us.
familes are the most basic form of society.
in families, there are order.
rules.
and
LOVE.
well.. some families.. are not like that.
i always had this picture perfect family.
where i always thought that there wasn anything such as pain or hurts in a family
to me..
families were loving.
dad and mom never had differences.
they nvr really quarrelled.
parents would shower their kids wid love and all kinds of stuff that a child needed.
but..
i guess..
life isn so perfect.
and i really thank God for providin me with such a wholesome family
what did i do to deserve such a thing.
its really thru God's grace.
i'm burdened.
and hurt..
by how much the devil is doing in ppl's lives arnd me.
how could he be so evil.
so... mean..
i cry with those who are hurting.
the pain they feel..
i cannot understand.
cos i've nvr gone thru such stuff in my life.
but..
i know it hurts alot.
and..
i jus wanna b there for them when they need me.
and..
show them
that thru their pains and suffering ,
there is a God who loves them.
and is watching over them.
♥ Love, ME
