Friday, September 29, 2006 ♥
ranted@10:24 PM
Dear diary,
JEAN says
if only i hadnt been there..
if only i didnt take that bus...
i was so shock..
i jus didnt know what to do...
forget it.
i jus...
ahh.
forget it
♥ Love, ME
Friday, September 15, 2006 ♥
ranted@7:39 PM
Dear diary,
JEAN says
You Don't Need a Man ... or Want One!
|
Generally, you're very happy being a single woman.
And anyone who has a problem with that... well, that's there problem.
Not that you wouldn't share your life with the almost perfect guy.
You simply won't settle though. Your life is too good to share with some substandard man!
|
You Go For Brains!
|
You want a guy with a big... brain.
And of course it would be nice if he were a total hottie, but you're not counting on it.
What's on the inside is what counts for you. (Besides, you can always change the outside later!)
|
bored.
haha. after studying so much..
its like so...
dunno how to describe
i'm so in love with libba bray's book.
sigh
lol. sometimes i think i'm a hopelessly romantic.
envisioning the oh-so charming and glistening white knight appearing at my doorstep.
sweeping me off my feet.
and bestowing upon me love n trust that will never cease to prevent my heart from shattering.
but that's only a dream.
only wishful thinking.
reality sinks in.
i must and will get libba bray's book.
SEE. i cant go to the library.
because if i like the book i must oh-so have it!
my dad says he'll give me a brand new vaio sony laptop if i do well in prelims.
but.. even if i dun do well i know he'll give me it.
haha.
the mind is such a mysterious and intricate object.
that never cease to amaze me.
likewise human behaviour too.
i'm begining to realise that perhaps the world isnt that picture perfect as i had preceived it to be.
that beneath the glorious and magnificient deeds that man protrays,
lies yet a deadly concoction of deception, mysteries better left unsaid and deadly thoughts.
perhaps.. i'm being a bit too morbid here.
but i do not understand why we've grow from innocent, oblivious children to such creatures or living things that destroy mother nature and many others.
a wise person once told me that friends come and go that's part n parcel of life so choose your friends carefully.
needless to say..
i was young.
rebellious.
free-spirited.
i wasnt and didnt listened to these wise words.
and now i live to pay for the consequences of my choices.
many a times i blame myself for being a fool
many a times i wrestled with the very emotions that made me believe and hope that perhaps there was hope.
but once and again.
all was crushed by the very people who i swore my loyalty to.
but now.. i begin to believe that perhaps friends or loved ones were jus nicknames or labels that mankind created to seem loyal.
perhaps that was the sole reason.
now..
i'm begining to listen to the very voices that have warned me against such.
and i'm begining to believe that they were right along.
somehow..
something in my mind whisphers not to.
that all is jus a dream.
or that all is jus a lie.
that there was a much more substantial reason.
that little whispher tormets me day n night.
but somehow. i have accqired a numb and emotionless state.
though i want with all my soul , with all mind and with all my strength to believe that all is untrue and jus purely my imagination...
the world tells me to wake up and that's part and parcel of life.
to a fren.
if he ever sees this blog.
or this post
i know i'm drifting apart from you.
and..
in a way..
i guess its part and parcel of life.
frens come and go.
and i'm very satisfied with my life and group of frens now.
i'm really honoured that you took the effort to talk to me about this matter.
but i'm afraid.
that.. we'll jus be frens.
i will somehow... do it.
its gonna take me months and years but... all will be forgotten.
i want to learnt to play the piano like that genius jasmine.
i will practice !
cant wait to rakee the fabulous campsite!
i made a pact with shawn and hongern over making milos during camp.
they seem so glad and joyful when i shook their hands as a sign of agreement.
hmm... is that good or bad?
that's for me to find out in the near future.
ps. a scar for keeps. a heart refine. a character remoulded.
jus read.dun assume and judge. it would be a very subjective and irrational
thing to do
all that we see or seem/ is but a dream within a dream
-Edgar Allan Poe
♥ Love, ME
Friday, September 01, 2006 ♥
ranted@5:02 PM
Dear diary,
JEAN says
he haunts her even in her dreams.
what is she suppose to do?
give up or continue this treachrous road.
why does he have to mentally torture her through these years, months and days.
if only memories could be permanently wiped out.
all would be safe and sound.
why did he have to leave her
why did he have to walk off from her.
he entered another realm whilst she continued in this living hell.
be gone you evil one.
i hate you...
i hate you for leaving me.
okay.. again.. wuthering heights inspiration.
muhaha.
but...
i did have a dream yesterday.
a weird one.
a never-will-happen dream
yeah..
WHATEVER.
better stop thinking bout it before i go crazy again.
anyways...
my purpose of writing this post is to all those ppl out there that are feeling like they have to put on a mask everyday they live.
and to those that are feeling very low in life.
hey gals & guys.(esp to yuanting)
i know how it feels to be low in life.
when everything in life seems to take a downhill.
guess wad?
you're not alone.
many ppl out there are also at the bottom of the hill.
you might not see it but...
its true.
maybe that how life is suppose to be.
you go downhill so that you know how life is like there.
so next time when you're there again.
it wont feel that bad.
PLUS you can relate to ppl and frens how it feels to be there
i bet those ppl would love to hear a word of encouragement from you guys.
serious.
i've had my fair share of these stuff too.
but i'm climbing uphill already.
sometimes... you guys have to let go of the past & embrace the future.
like i did.
and i can tell you guys..
it took me alot of tears, alot of pain, alot of stonning, alot of counselling by my family & frens & alot of time before i finally let go of the past.
i cant describe to you how much emo i felt.
i guess you have to experience it before you actually know how it feels.
but THIS IS NOT THE END.
okay?
when there's a down.. an up is coming real soon.
when you decide to finally let it all go...
half of the battle is fought already.
i'm not going saying that its an overnight thing.
or a easy battle.
i'm warning you that its a tough battle that will last for months or even years.
BUT at the end of it..
you'll turn back and smile that you did it.
you know its something like a mother giving birth.
haha.
okay... weird analogy but listen it out.
PLEASE.
when a mother becomes pregnant..
she vomits constantly.
she loses her original figure and becomes fat and bulky.
she carries her child in her womb for 9 long months even though her back aches
and she cant do stuff that she normally does.
sometimes she even gets hurt cos the baby is kicking and moveing about.
but she continues to press on.
and then the day comes when she has to give birth.
she goes into first stage labour.
which is tremendous pain.
its worst than cramps
and yes worst den being shot
i think its more painful than a dagger being stabbed into your stomach and being twisted again and again... the worst part is that you can feel it & you never die
(cos cramps feels like that dagger part)
and guess wad? that's ONLY the beginning.
than when the mother's giving birth.
she has to push like crazy..
and her pelvis bones breaks from the hip bone.
CAN you imagine that.
YOUR bone breaks.
anyone who broke a bone shld know how it feels.
and that's only part of the pain that you go thru.
the part where the baby comes out.. well... splits even wider.
and has to be sewn after the whole thing
she loses alot of blood and is weak for few days.
there more stuff... dependin on each mother.
some get into depression.
some die...
but at the end.. if you ask each mom this Q
is it worth it?
i bet most of them would say YES.
what's my point of saying all these.
is that.
NO 1. like how a mother gives birth to a child.
we have to go thru some pain... and ultimatedly. when we look back..
we wld say it was worth it to go thru this pain.. becos eg. i became wiser, etc.
NO2. love your mother ppl.
she could have aborted you guys and not go thru all these pain. but she did it JUST for you.
JUST for you.
you never know what's going to happen next.
treasure those around you esp your family.
let's say. IF (if only) you were to contract cancer or something.
its not your frens that are going to pay all the medical bills or stay up all night to make sure nothing happens to you.
ITS YOUR FAMILY.
frens change.they come and go, only a few stay for the rest of your life.
BUT your family never change.
it would be better for you to love your family den hate them.
cos whether you like it or not.
they are your family.
too bad.
so love them and treasure them
break that chain or vicious cycle of hatred or disappointment in that place.
be the first in there to make a difference.
yeah...
get a hold your emo guys.
its possible.
if i can do it.
so can you guys.
i have faith in each and EVERY single one of you guys.
and.. i pray that each one of you will find your footing again.
and start climbing up the mountain.
like i did.
and guess wad?
i'll be at the top cheering at you guys
and welcoming you guys to join me.
*GRINS.
love you guys.
remember someone out there and UP there is watching over u guys.
dont disappoint yourself and that someone.(:
this song before the day is real cool.
yup.
is for my sweet Saviour who's been watching over me all these years.
Last night when i was sleeping
You were watching over me
While i dreamt about tomorrow
You knew my every need
Now another day is waiting
For me to make it through
And there's no way that i could face it
Without You
Before the day slips away
I want to stop and say
I love You I love You
Before the world rushes in again
I want to stop and say
There's none above You There's none above You
I'll just be still & know that You are God
There's something about the morning
The stillness of it all
It calms my heart to hear You
When You gently call
Here I am in Your presence
Where I long to be
Alone with You in the silence
Bring down Your love & Your mercy
Whispher softly to me
'Before the Day by NEWSONG'
i'll add my tribute to teachers tonight.
need to get ready for prayer meeting
ps. if anyone of you guys need a listening ear.. feel free to ping me.
God bless all of you.
♥ Love, ME
