Friday, August 25, 2006 ♥
ranted@3:20 PM
Dear diary,
JEAN says
she was filled with anguish as she looked upon the valley beyond her.
it was time...
she knew she had to leave.
she gave one last glance upon the beautiful mansion before her.
a jewel on the outside.
a wretched corpse inside.
beneath its beautiful shell...
lays a deep dark secret.
she smelled it
she felt it.
she knew it.
she turned around.
relieve to put away this part of her life.
she turn towards a house beyond.
its beautiful walls glimmered under the glorious rays of the sun
the love of her life laid asleep in his chambers.
she sighed.
life was going to tough for her.
but she could no longer withstand the toture that have been bestowed upon her life.
she had it all planned.
and no one knew.
she bid her farewells by dropping hints.
they had a promise between them.
perhaps..
in decades to come.
she would return back and seek her love she had chose to forsaken.
faced with a dilemma.
she knew no one could know.
she had to vanish into thin air.
life among these aristocrats was hell.
and her vanish may jus bout ease it all.
she placed her hands unto her lips
and blew a kiss unto her love's house.
and left.
in that beautiful mansion.
he woke up.
"it was just a nightmare" he whisphered.
and fell back to sleep.
while across the land.
a lonely girl walked across... life without love but full of hope.
LOL. damn bored.
been reading wuthering heights.
so... had this inspiration.
practical prelims are FINALLY OVER.
GRINS.
WHEW.
dont you think human nature is funny.
well. i do.
i am amazed at how complicated we are.
things in their simplicity seems so complicated.
so intricate.
so difficult.
is it true that everything is filled with motive?
every action is filled with a underlying motive?
so many tongues are wagging.
so many mouths are speaking.
till my mind is jus so confuse.
i'm pretty much beginning to understand.
i'm so caught up in a catch-22 situation.
i think i might be jus unlocking the mysteries that revolve around human nature
or maybe i'm jus growing up.
does everything have a reason?
does everything must have a reson?
cant someone be kind to be kind?
and not for self glory?
cant someone be nice and truthful?
not for some motive?
cant someone jus plainly be friends?
friends that can last forever?
cant promises be kept?
so many questions unanswered
so many mysteries that need to be solve.
no offence.
i'm NOT referring to anyone.
so please dun get offended.
maybe the world should stop saying bad stuff about ppl.
esp if we dun really know that person.
i'm gulity in that aspect.
i seriously wanna stop all these crimes.
i wanna glorify God's Name.
i wanna stop lettin Him down.
i might not change overnight
but i'm willing to persevere.
yup.
i think the world would be a better place if everyone just stop assuming.
watching tut:resurrected.
national geographical channel
its bout tut
some child pharaoh and how they find out his cause of death.
damn interesting!!! aha.
NEWSONGS: BEFORE THE DAY rocks!!!
ask cheryl wong for the cd!
♥ Love, ME
Friday, August 18, 2006 ♥
ranted@2:05 PM
Dear diary,
JEAN says
okay...
my life revolves around one big fat word.
HAPPY.
yesh. i'm happy happy happy happy happy.
LOL.
serious.
so... let's jus ignore everything that's ever happen.
i know. somehow its wiped out of my memory.
i dun remember a single thing anymore.
so let's all get on with life.
having fever now tho.
no wonder i felt damn sick and tired during the whole day.
worst of all i contracted the dreaded flu and sore throat.
i wonder who passed it to me. LOL
my mom finally bought me my lovely LG choc.
and shawn is jus so jealous. HAHA.
cheryl made up some cool designs for welfare!
oh ya.
it was really great to see aunty noelle again.
i so wanna go back to Africa. haha.
and..
the whole other gang.
someday.. aunty jasmine will go America and stay at your house.
haha.
okay.
really feeling very tired now.
my fever's just gone up.
where's my medicine?!
♥ Love, ME
Thursday, August 10, 2006 ♥
ranted@11:09 PM
Dear diary,
JEAN says
okay.
i really wasnt planning on writing this post.
BUT.
i personally wanna thank the ppl arnd me.
after i post the previous one... that very night my dad kinda knocked some sense into me.
yeah.
yes. i shed my last lemme repeat LAST tears for everything.
my dad said i had lost the vision of my goals and purpose.
he called me to get a grip of myself and my emotions.
snap out of it.
and well.. it woke me up.
like WTH?
i've been wasting too MUCH energy and effort on all these crap.
so..
now i'm gonna concentrate on my studies.true frens.and church.
LOL.
lotsa ppl have been really trying to knock some sense into my brain.
thanks ruth for calling me to wakeup and get on in life.
and yes... you'll inspect my first bf. HAHA.
and yes... he's gonna be EXTRAordinary.
thanks cheryl wong. for listening to all my crap stuff.
and encouraging me that God is still counting on me to be his channel.
thanks steph for knocking some sense into my pu-nee brain. LOL
thanks dilys for encouraging me.
i really appreciate it.
i know how it feels to lose a fren.
but hey... if they do this to you.
they're NOT WORTH it.
or sometimes ppl jus change.
i guess.. its part and parcel of life.
the horrible truth.
i'll tell you more tml okay?
cheer up.
remember God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.
He's the best-ed best fren EVER.
GRINS.
and most importantly.
THANK YOU GOD.
for never giving up on me.
i love YOU so so so much!
♥ Love, ME
Monday, August 07, 2006 ♥
ranted@10:57 PM
Dear diary,
JEAN says
this is gonna be my very last post for a very long time.
perhaps..
maybe till the day when i fully recover from everything.
i dunno how long that is.
i seriously dun know anymore.
sometimes.
i really wonder whether you live to die or to die to live?
perhaps maybe i live to die.
sometimes i really wonder how i'm gonna survive this round of bombshells in my life again.
i really wonder.
i feel that i losing grip of myself.
haha.
so depressing.
but..
i really dun know who i am anymore.
i think maybe jus like wad steph says.
its time i deal with myself.
and... i have to do this alone.
its pretty scary cos i always have ppl to help me to go thru these kinda stuff.
but now..
i really cant stand being around ppl anymore.
maybe jus like the famous saying.
life is like a masquerade party only when night falls and the party is about to end then the masks are put down.
maybe that's how life is suppose to be.
weird.
i actually decided that if the devil is gonna let me go thru another setback.
i'll not be discourage.
but this time i think i'm really losing my competitive spirit.
i really losing the will to fight anymore.
i might jus give in.
maybe i jus need to get out of there then i'll be free.
yeah.
maybe.
pls dun sms or call my hp anymore.
i'm turning my handphone in to my mother.
i know its better for me.
its better to lose hope and then to keep hoping.
i think the constantly hoping will only drive me berserk.
yup.
i think that's how life is suppose to be.
ppl change and you change to someone that no one recognises anymore.
lol.
you build a shield and wall around you to protect yourself.
i've heard to many empty promises.
all i know now is that everyone except my family and church frens LIES.
sorry to those who have to deal with my emo.
haha.
i gotta accept life and its ways.
i'm sorry for failing you God.
i need you Jesus to come to my rescue.
where can i go
there's no other name by which i am saved.
wont you capture me with grace
i will follow you.
ps. goodbye
pps. i'm gonna do all of you a favour. i'm gonna disappear from your lives
♥ Love, ME
Wednesday, August 02, 2006 ♥
ranted@7:35 PM
Dear diary,
JEAN says
honestly..
how can a person say trust him/her..
while having a gf/bf and then say they like you.
you barely know this person..
and he's/she's already saying the 3 big mushy words
I LOVE YOU.
plus
they lie about their status quo.
honestly.. to trust you?
i cant.
i wont.
and i will never.
no offense here.
but that's that.
FULLSTOP.
lol. i had experienced hell lotsa of emo these past years.
but there's a few lessons that i learnt from them.
NO1. Trust nobody. no one. till they proof that they are trustworthy.
NO. not verbally. ppl who verbally say that they are trustworthy.. are NOT.
ppl who dun but their actions do... ARE.
NO2. There are ppl who become your frens or get close to you for ulterior motives.
The world is mean and evil. wadda expect. LOL.
NO3. Frens come and go. its part and parcel of life.
NO4. Ppl often lie to you. make you believe in them so much.. and "KABOOM" it
crashes like that. why? that's for me to found out... or maybe not.
N05. Never start dating or liking a person who actually has one alr. He/she could
do that to you.
NO6. Frens are many. but True frens are rare.
NO7. Forgiving is not as simple as it seems.
NO8. To rely on your own strength to go through life is impossible. to constantly
cry out to God and totally lean on Him is possible.
NO9. God, family and church frens are the best. LOL.
NO10.I'm fortunate to be ALIVE. i blessed with getting to know God. i'm thankful for
my family and certain frens. i'm thankful its only 3 months. i'm thankful i
learnt all these now.. or else.. it would have been a harder blow.
perhaps.
perhaps.
perhaps.
a future we'll never know.
but if we trust upon God.
and lean on Him.
and focus only on Him.
den i'll say...
life is possible to go on.
if i were to lean on my own strength.
den i'll say...
i'd be in hell right now..
i knew that thing was gonna put an obstacle in my life
to get me distracted
unfocused.
i wont commit the same mistake again.
i need one person in my life.
Jesus.
He's someone who never will fail you
someone you can alway trust.
someone who loved you so much that He already gave you His life.
so... stop saying God doesnt exist if you barely even do your QT.
He died and GAVE alr.
stop asking for smthing more.
and start giving back.
you were saved from eternal hell.
wad more do you want?
ps. sorry. sorry. sorry.
pps. first to be last.
♥ Love, ME
