Friday, September 01, 2006 ♥
ranted@5:02 PM
Dear diary,
JEAN says
he haunts her even in her dreams.
what is she suppose to do?
give up or continue this treachrous road.
why does he have to mentally torture her through these years, months and days.
if only memories could be permanently wiped out.
all would be safe and sound.
why did he have to leave her
why did he have to walk off from her.
he entered another realm whilst she continued in this living hell.
be gone you evil one.
i hate you...
i hate you for leaving me.
okay.. again.. wuthering heights inspiration.
muhaha.
but...
i did have a dream yesterday.
a weird one.
a never-will-happen dream
yeah..
WHATEVER.
better stop thinking bout it before i go crazy again.
anyways...
my purpose of writing this post is to all those ppl out there that are feeling like they have to put on a mask everyday they live.
and to those that are feeling very low in life.
hey gals & guys.(esp to yuanting)
i know how it feels to be low in life.
when everything in life seems to take a downhill.
guess wad?
you're not alone.
many ppl out there are also at the bottom of the hill.
you might not see it but...
its true.
maybe that how life is suppose to be.
you go downhill so that you know how life is like there.
so next time when you're there again.
it wont feel that bad.
PLUS you can relate to ppl and frens how it feels to be there
i bet those ppl would love to hear a word of encouragement from you guys.
serious.
i've had my fair share of these stuff too.
but i'm climbing uphill already.
sometimes... you guys have to let go of the past & embrace the future.
like i did.
and i can tell you guys..
it took me alot of tears, alot of pain, alot of stonning, alot of counselling by my family & frens & alot of time before i finally let go of the past.
i cant describe to you how much emo i felt.
i guess you have to experience it before you actually know how it feels.
but THIS IS NOT THE END.
okay?
when there's a down.. an up is coming real soon.
when you decide to finally let it all go...
half of the battle is fought already.
i'm not going saying that its an overnight thing.
or a easy battle.
i'm warning you that its a tough battle that will last for months or even years.
BUT at the end of it..
you'll turn back and smile that you did it.
you know its something like a mother giving birth.
haha.
okay... weird analogy but listen it out.
PLEASE.
when a mother becomes pregnant..
she vomits constantly.
she loses her original figure and becomes fat and bulky.
she carries her child in her womb for 9 long months even though her back aches
and she cant do stuff that she normally does.
sometimes she even gets hurt cos the baby is kicking and moveing about.
but she continues to press on.
and then the day comes when she has to give birth.
she goes into first stage labour.
which is tremendous pain.
its worst than cramps
and yes worst den being shot
i think its more painful than a dagger being stabbed into your stomach and being twisted again and again... the worst part is that you can feel it & you never die
(cos cramps feels like that dagger part)
and guess wad? that's ONLY the beginning.
than when the mother's giving birth.
she has to push like crazy..
and her pelvis bones breaks from the hip bone.
CAN you imagine that.
YOUR bone breaks.
anyone who broke a bone shld know how it feels.
and that's only part of the pain that you go thru.
the part where the baby comes out.. well... splits even wider.
and has to be sewn after the whole thing
she loses alot of blood and is weak for few days.
there more stuff... dependin on each mother.
some get into depression.
some die...
but at the end.. if you ask each mom this Q
is it worth it?
i bet most of them would say YES.
what's my point of saying all these.
is that.
NO 1. like how a mother gives birth to a child.
we have to go thru some pain... and ultimatedly. when we look back..
we wld say it was worth it to go thru this pain.. becos eg. i became wiser, etc.
NO2. love your mother ppl.
she could have aborted you guys and not go thru all these pain. but she did it JUST for you.
JUST for you.
you never know what's going to happen next.
treasure those around you esp your family.
let's say. IF (if only) you were to contract cancer or something.
its not your frens that are going to pay all the medical bills or stay up all night to make sure nothing happens to you.
ITS YOUR FAMILY.
frens change.they come and go, only a few stay for the rest of your life.
BUT your family never change.
it would be better for you to love your family den hate them.
cos whether you like it or not.
they are your family.
too bad.
so love them and treasure them
break that chain or vicious cycle of hatred or disappointment in that place.
be the first in there to make a difference.
yeah...
get a hold your emo guys.
its possible.
if i can do it.
so can you guys.
i have faith in each and EVERY single one of you guys.
and.. i pray that each one of you will find your footing again.
and start climbing up the mountain.
like i did.
and guess wad?
i'll be at the top cheering at you guys
and welcoming you guys to join me.
*GRINS.
love you guys.
remember someone out there and UP there is watching over u guys.
dont disappoint yourself and that someone.(:
this song before the day is real cool.
yup.
is for my sweet Saviour who's been watching over me all these years.
Last night when i was sleeping
You were watching over me
While i dreamt about tomorrow
You knew my every need
Now another day is waiting
For me to make it through
And there's no way that i could face it
Without You
Before the day slips away
I want to stop and say
I love You I love You
Before the world rushes in again
I want to stop and say
There's none above You There's none above You
I'll just be still & know that You are God
There's something about the morning
The stillness of it all
It calms my heart to hear You
When You gently call
Here I am in Your presence
Where I long to be
Alone with You in the silence
Bring down Your love & Your mercy
Whispher softly to me
'Before the Day by NEWSONG'
i'll add my tribute to teachers tonight.
need to get ready for prayer meeting
ps. if anyone of you guys need a listening ear.. feel free to ping me.
God bless all of you.
♥ Love, ME
