Monday, August 07, 2006 ♥
ranted@10:57 PM
Dear diary,
JEAN says
this is gonna be my very last post for a very long time.
perhaps..
maybe till the day when i fully recover from everything.
i dunno how long that is.
i seriously dun know anymore.
sometimes.
i really wonder whether you live to die or to die to live?
perhaps maybe i live to die.
sometimes i really wonder how i'm gonna survive this round of bombshells in my life again.
i really wonder.
i feel that i losing grip of myself.
haha.
so depressing.
but..
i really dun know who i am anymore.
i think maybe jus like wad steph says.
its time i deal with myself.
and... i have to do this alone.
its pretty scary cos i always have ppl to help me to go thru these kinda stuff.
but now..
i really cant stand being around ppl anymore.
maybe jus like the famous saying.
life is like a masquerade party only when night falls and the party is about to end then the masks are put down.
maybe that's how life is suppose to be.
weird.
i actually decided that if the devil is gonna let me go thru another setback.
i'll not be discourage.
but this time i think i'm really losing my competitive spirit.
i really losing the will to fight anymore.
i might jus give in.
maybe i jus need to get out of there then i'll be free.
yeah.
maybe.
pls dun sms or call my hp anymore.
i'm turning my handphone in to my mother.
i know its better for me.
its better to lose hope and then to keep hoping.
i think the constantly hoping will only drive me berserk.
yup.
i think that's how life is suppose to be.
ppl change and you change to someone that no one recognises anymore.
lol.
you build a shield and wall around you to protect yourself.
i've heard to many empty promises.
all i know now is that everyone except my family and church frens LIES.
sorry to those who have to deal with my emo.
haha.
i gotta accept life and its ways.
i'm sorry for failing you God.
i need you Jesus to come to my rescue.
where can i go
there's no other name by which i am saved.
wont you capture me with grace
i will follow you.
ps. goodbye
pps. i'm gonna do all of you a favour. i'm gonna disappear from your lives
♥ Love, ME
