Saturday, May 14, 2005 ♥
ranted@9:07 AM
Dear diary,
JEAN says
okoks.
it has been months since i've blogg.
i've been having a hectic schedule.
life sucks.
i feel so
emotionally and physically strained. i feel so
loss in this world.
i feel like
life's not worth living at times.
i feel
hurt.
i feel
betrayed.i feel like a
loser.
i
cry myself to sleep.
but wad can i do?
u're angry and
i dun know y.
why does it have to be her again.
i
nvr tot of revenge.
i
nvr tot of u utterin that hurtful sentence.
am i that assy in ur mind.
have u ever tot of my feelings?
ppl say :" y do u always put in a good word for her"
u say: " u jus wanna get back at her"
i'm
confused.puzzled.
y?
does it have to b u?
i'm
not angry or pissed at you.
i jus
wan ur frenship back.
i
miss the times we laugh.
or are u too cooped up now.
please.
think thru.
jus say hi.
i'll
smile.
cos u're my fren.forever and
ever.
i'll
nvr forget how u were there when i needed my frens most.
i'll
nvr forget how much u helped me get my life back on track.
thank you so much.
tell me what's wrong.
i'll try to change.
mayb i haven realised i've changed.
guide me.
and
show me.
dun say it in a hurtful manner please.
the thing is still a
sensitive topic.
consider tt.
ultimately.u're my fren.
and still will b.to my other frens.i had so much fun with u guys.
it was one of my best weeks in this entire yr.
thanks for helping me.
thanks for talkin sense to me.
thanks for actually makin frens with me.
thanks for bein there when i cried.
thanks for jus stayin behind.
thanks for keepin me accompany.
thanks for listenin to my troubles.
thanks for everything.
man. i'm surrounded by
lovable angels. thanks for
saving me from my lowest point in my life.
to me.
its time i guess i shld forgive myself.
i was hurt.
i was disappointed
i was angry.
i was pissed.
i felt like a pathetic loser.
the horror at what i did.
i was stunned.
i was shocked
i was loss.
i was nothing.
i hated myself.
i searched the bible.
i asked God.
y?!
wld u ever forgive me?
i didnt God wld forgive me though ppl always said He LOVES each of us
and will always forgive.
but i couldnt accept the fact.
i jus couldnt.
well.
now.
when i tot life was pickin up.
i was put down again.
dyin seems like an ideal soultion
but i know i wont.
cos
life goes on...
i have
frens now.
a
family.
and a
future.
life goes on no matter what.
accept or
deny it.
life
still goes on.
it's time to drop the past and live at the present and look towards the future.
it's
time
♥ Love, ME
